This is how I have been feeling lately. I was laying in my bed yesterday, trying to escape from Jordan and Spencer-yes I was trying to escape from them. Darin was nice and let me take a nap. When I woke up, I was just laying there thinking and I looked over at a picture of Jordan and I that we had taken for Valentines when she was just 6 months old. I remembered how life was so easy and uncomplicated back then. I was momentarily envious of all the mothers I know who have their first baby. I thought to myself "they don't know how easy they have it." Then I thought about moms I know with teenagers and thought that they may think the same thing about me.
I have struggled lately to keep wearing all my "hats" in life. I feel like they are all falling off and I can't put them back on. (I hope you can understand the metaphor) Most especially being a mother. My patience is all but gone and I am worn out quite frequently. I get overwhelmed easily and feel like I let my family/friends down a lot. So, I thought to myself "what if I can just have a "do over?" I would love to go back to just Jordan with the knowledge I have now. But then I think that isn't what life is all about-we are here to learn and if we have all the answers to begin with, we won't grow.
So I have a wonderfully patient husband who just let me spill my guts to him last night and listened to let me talk (well, it helped more if I was rubbing his head or back at the same time....love you Darin:) Anyhow I wondered if I could have a "do over" and he said I could definitely change some of my mistakes and make life better. I was very energized after our conversation and feel like I can get better and I will be able to improve where I need to. I have been praying for inspiration to help me be a better teacher and example to my children and have some new ideas in my head...I am so excited to start some of them. I'll keep you posted once we get started!!
So, I can't go back, but I can go FORWARD!!! That is a wonderful feeling. I can make things better and can make my home a happy place to be. I also realized that the beauty of the gospel is that we can have a "do over" on a regular basis. That is what the Savior has done for us. Thank goodness because I need one every day!!
As President Hinckley loved to say "Onward, ever onward!!" My "do over" starts today so I will "Press Forward."
6 comments:
What does that mean?
I accidentally posted the title before I wrote my text. It all makes sense now!!
And that is why I always like to read your blog. Thanks Wendi--it was a good pick-me-up for me. I'm moving forward too!
I have mentioned to Dad that I would like to go back and raise Darin and Darcie with the knowledge we have now. He just said that we do the best we can along the way. It is a learning process so hopefully your kids will turn out "okay." Sounds like Darin did for you :)
A much better post with the writing in it! I think all of us get to feeling like we need a do over. Ypu're so good to recognize that and make changes. Well done!
You're awesome, Wendi!! And your kids are wonderful. I think you're doing a great job!
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