I'm not going to make it.

I want to just give up. I can't take it anymore. I know I was going to try to stay positive this week, but I'm done.

They are still painting. This is the THIRD week. I hate it. We got the whole house torn apart last week , but they didn't get to most of the rooms until this week. It has been very frustrating. And I'm a wimp. I really wish I would have told them to go a room at a time so we could have a semblance of normalcy in the house instead of it all torn up at one time. And my friend also has another part time job to do in the morning, which I thought he wasn't going to do when he was painting our house, so he rarely gets here before 11:00 and works until 4:00 when I bring his kids home from school.

Lesson learned: NEVER hire a friend out of a desire to help them-even if they call and text you over and over about it. So if they are bragging about their abilities and that they really need the money, don't fall for it. We hired our friend-the father of the kids I watch- who did lower his original bid, but in the long run we are going to end up paying the same as if we had hired a big company who would have painted every inch and not complained. After I pay him for materials and labor, it's the same as the bid I got that included everything-ceilings, closets, etc. The things my friend is avoiding doing. He likes to point out to me when things are going to be a "huge pain." If I had hired the one company I got a bid from, they would have come in, done the work and left. The bid said 7-10 days, and we're already on day 13 now. And he says there are 2 days left.

I'm not gonna make it.

The house is in chaos. He says I can put things away, but then I notice touch ups. Like the wall where the big couch goes. He said that wall was done, but I noticed today a huge part in the middle of the window that was not done. Do I do all the mopping and dusting and put the couch back only for him to have to pull it out to finish painting and get my floors dirty again. The front door has been open while they paint so the floors are horrible. There's still dust all over from the sanding.

My kid have watched so much TV while I've been moving things around and getting them ready for the painters and then putting things back. Dinners have been few and far between and certainly not nutritiously balanced in any way. I've become a horrible mother. I'm constantly snapping at them to not touch the walls with their hands or any other thing-which by the way, do you realize how much your kids touch the walls? My goodness!!!

They are currently upstairs watching a cartoon. Jordan and Spencer were on the couch playing on my laptop and got into an argument and knocked it onto the floor. I snapped and grabbed it away fast. They burst into tears "It was an accident...you don't love us anymore." I tried to console Spencer, but he didn't want anything to do with me. It's like a dagger to the heart to hear that line every day.

Am I going to be able to undo the damage that's done during this horrible time in our families lives? I sure hope so. I tell myself that it will all get better once we get in a new house.

And my friend Josh keeps telling me things wrong with the house every day. Black mold in a couple windows, mold on the concrete out back, a crack in the foundation, says we need new electrical outlets, etc. I know he means well-he works in mortgages so he knows how inspections work, but it is FREAKING ME OUT!!! He tells me "no offense, but you really haven't kept up the house." I just wanted to burst into tears. It makes me feel like it's just our house that has problems. Your house is your life and when you have someone tell you it's crappy, it doesn't feel good. I want to tell him to paint and that's it, but I'm a wimp.

And it doesn't make me feel very positive about someone wanting to buy our house. Which then dashes my dreams about a new house. But we did hire a great realtor, so I have high hopes about what he can do for us.

Am I being over-dramatic? Darin thinks so. I emailed him about freaking out and he says "the house is 24 years old, it's not going to look new. We'll deal with it when we have an inspection." I wish I could be like that. He doesn't want to put more money into it.

Which is my next beef-why do we have to do soooo much to sell a house anyhow? It is so frustrating.

One good thing is that we did get a good bid for carpet and it will be done next week. After that is done, I just have to do the back yard, clean all the windows, clean all the cupboards and banisters really well. Not a lot, right?

And Darin is out of town this week-in Moscow. So it's not like he's on one of his trips where I can call him every night. I feel all this pressure because if I pay Josh and Dainr comes home and doesn't like the house, he won't be happy.

I need assertiveness training so badly.


OK.......I seriously need to stop. I just had to get it out. Whew. Since it's 7:25 and the kids have only really had snacks, I better feed them and get on with bedtime. They're excited because they get to sleep on the sleeper sofa in the basement tonight since their rooms were painted today. Would I be a horrible mother if I just put a movie on and laid with them until they fall asleep? Problem is that I will probably fall asleep before they do!!!