Closure

Warning: This blog entry is more for me and my mental status than a usual "this is what we have been doing entry" so read with your mind open!

I have been stewing over something for a couple days, and I figured the best way to get over it is to write about it and what better place than my blog. (Since I am not doing well in the journal area) Hopefully it will help.

Because of unfortunate circumstances, that I didn't forsee, Jordan and I were not able to have what I would call a proper goodbye with Ryann and her family before they left for England. I have been so emotional about this and wonder why. I have been thinking about it and wondering why it was so important to me-why I am not taking it well. Ryann was the one leaving the country and all of her friends behind am I having such a pity party for myself? That is a problem.

Here are my thoughts:

I was really sad on Sunday when I hung up the phone from what would be our last conversation. We were not going to be able to meet at the park on Monday morning. I am a little ashamed to confess that I was a little angry at Ryann's mom at first when Ryann said that it wasn't a good idea to least pop over for 10 minutes Monday morning-especially when I heard that another friend had popped in over the weekend. (Can you say jealousy? Here's where anyone with a psychology background can help with some of my excess baggage) Then I had to smack myself and realize that she (Ryann's Mom) was losing a daughter and 3 grandchildren which probably trumps my 3 and a half years knowing Ryann.

I guess that I have needed to also realize that because a couple friends got to spend more time with Ryann the last week, go out to eat, take pictures, get hugs, etc. they are not any more important than me and my daughter. So she doesn't have a picture giving Emilie a hug goodbye it doesn't make her less of a friend. Timing was ultimately the problem. I also felt guilty for not going to the dinner and for having a neighbor with me when-unbeknownst to me-it would be the last time I saw Ryann. Hindsight is 20/20-right?

Wow I really wrote a lot-but it feels good to get that out. I guess if you all read this I should pay you for your time:)

To the Murphys:

Ryann, I really miss you already. When the phone rang before 8:00 today my first thought was "It's Ryann." No one else called me that early. I already miss our calls to just talk that didn't really result in anything but good chats. Thank you so much for being such a wonderful friend to me the last few years. I think of you often and hope you find friends worthy of you... they will soon find out that you will be so fun to be around and hang out with and a blessing to their lives.

Thank you Terry for sharing Ryann with us. I am sure there were times I drove you nuts with calling so much,etc. Thanks for being willing to watch our kids on short notice many times. You have a wonderful giving heart and are an awesome dad-my kids loved playing with you!

Thank you Emilie for being such a great friend to Jordan. You made her laugh so much and she always had so much fun with you. Jordan could play with you everyday, and still ask to play with you some more!! You are a sweetie and will make lots of friends I am sure. Thank you Maddie as well for being a good friend to Jordan, and Spencer. You are such a sweet, gentle caring little girl and the children around you are lucky. We will miss you all a lot-you too Timmy!!

Well, I feel better now. Life lesson to remember: no matter what-goodbye or no goodbye a friend is always a friend.

Ryann, I love you my friend.