Seriously. Please still be my friend after you read this. I am in a bad place right now and the kids are upstairs playing, so I turn to my dear friend the blog to express some feelings.
I have some issues with cleaning. I absolutely hate and detest cleaning my house and am no good at it at all. I struggle to teach the kids to clean and we often have clutter, chaos and lots of messes around here. I'm not patient in teaching them, and often give up and do it all myself. Bad, I know. We try so hard...we'll clean Jordan's room and make a deal to keep it all cleaned up. only to have no visible carpet showing a week later. UGH!!
A couple months ago Darin decided to hire a cleaning lady after he spent the weekend with the kids when I went to Boston. He got it all set up and she has been coming every two weeks. I have been trying to work past the shame I have felt, but now I struggle with something else. On the day she comes I am super stressed trying to get the house "cleaned" up for her to come clean. Clearly ridiculous, I know, but I just have it in my hard head that I have to have everything in order for her to clean. I was told cleaning people aren't supposed to clean up clutter and I feel bad enough already that I have her coming, so I want the house to be as clean as possible so she doesn't think we are pigs. (I do have to say that we aren't "filthy" in a sense of germy and gross type of dirty. Just very cluttery and messy.)
So here I sit on the day she is coming totally frazzled. I hate it. I just got off the phone with Darin and told him I wasn't so stressed out before she started coming and he said "but the house is cleaner." True, but in my defense, it is also cleaner partly because I am trying harder to keep up.
So here is part of what I think is a deep seeded issue for me. My mom suffered from mental illness. It was not manifest until after I was about 12 years old. It may have been there longer, but that is when we really saw the consequences. She was what they called manic depressive, or now days "bi-polar" I remember times when she would clean all night long. Like seriously clean-scrub floors on hands and knees with a tooth brush, waxing floors, dusting everything in sight, etc. Then at times when she was depressed, she would sleep all day and not clean a thing.
So, I think I have some issues about cleaning. Do I think if I clean too much, I'll be crazy? Or if I don't clean at all I'll be depressed? Ok, I don't have the actual process of cleaning-I love how the house looks and feels when it's clean, I just have a hard time doing it. Then my kids do things like as I sit here and type this Landon dumps a bag of chex mix on the floor. I feel like I can't win. I did a FHE on having a "house of order" but the kids quickly forget and I give up my struggle to keep up.
Then another issue is that if I know people are coming over, I have a mini nervous breakdown trying to get the house clean. For instance, our home teacher, whom we have been friends with for years and just love, happens to be married to a superwoman-seriously. Lots of kids and an immaculate, super organized home where her kids actually clean. When he is coming I have an anxiety attack-and I always find out before sacrament meeting that he is coming after church. Not his fault, just an issue I have. Some of my friends know and have seen the house in quite a state, but others I just couldn't bear to see the house messy.
I do also prefer to play with the kids and do outings and such no matter the state we leave the house. So maybe I don't have issues-maybe I'm just plain lazy. I don't know. I just know I need to figure it out and do something about it.
So to end on a positive note-I am having my house cleaned in less than and hour and it is always so clean peaceful when she leaves. Yeah!
7 comments:
(Longest comment ever) I totally get this. I feel like I'm a recovering pat rack/slob. I grew up in filth, eight kids and a mother with depression and anxiety disorder. I can live in a place that is disgusting and not notice it (except when people come over and then I get embarrassed) which baffles Phil. I married a neat freak who can't function in chaos. What helped me? I had read fly lady but that didn't help too much but I did like certain aspects of it (instead of using the kitchen sink as a starting point I use making beds), what really helped me was watching lots of episodes of Clean Sweep and reading (and rereading) all of the Peter Walsh books. I'm still messy, but we have about a 1/3 of the stuff that we used to have. I have a rule for myself that I have to be able to straighten a room in less than twenty minutes otherwise there is too much stuff in it. There is a place fore every item which helps the kids help me. Toys and kid's books/movies are stored in only one room in the house and aren't allowed to live anywhere else. I have nightmares from being a kid and being yelled at to clean my room and just standing in a really messy place not knowing where to start or where anything went. I think it has helped my kids to help me because they know where everything goes (in their case basically the toy room or if it's clothing in their bedroom). Also- I have someone come every two weeks to do bathrooms and deep cleaning. With three kids and Phil's work schedule, we never get to it. I don't know if this makes sense, but it has helped me. My house looks pretty good right before bed and in the morning, but by five my kids have made a mess in every room. I just figure that part will go away when they get older. Anyhow, don't beat yourself up too much, your house always looks great in pictures and from my memory it was a darling house. And it really is amazing how three kids can completely demolish a house from top to bottom in one day! Thankfully two kids will start being in school half of the day and that will help. Summertime is killing our clean house. Anyhow, like I said, longest comment ever. Love you! lots and lots. Micaela
I can relate to this but in our case it is Jim who has to "clean" before the cleaning lady comes. Before we owned the store Jim told me that one thing he would never have is a cleaning lady -- he expected me to clean the house. So when we both started working 11 hours a day together and he would go home first because I was still doing the books, he ended up vaccuming and cleaning. That didn't last long -- he suggested we get someone to clean every other week -- ha! So the priority for her is doing the floors and cleaning the bathrooms well -- everything else is bonus. I told our gal that Jim cleans before she comes. She just laughed and asked why. I just put all the clutter away so she has to deal with surfaces. Look at it as job security for whoever cleans for you and enjoy the blessings. When all the kids are in school he may stop the cleaning lady :)
You need to schedule in cleaning to your daily schedule or it will not get done. Have it be fun. Start your schedule today while the house is clean. Put limits on food, lock up the food if they are spilling a box of cereal, they should not beable to have a whole box. You are doing really well keeping up, I proud of you, just do your best, the Lord knows you and will help you if you ask.
Wendi,
I took a class on parenting. In it, we took tests to determine what type of moms we were. I learned that I have to have everything planned and clean but that my opposite was a super caring, fun, and spontaneous mom who didn't pay attention to the household chores. that is you. Nothing wrong with it. You are just not programmed to be tidy. Embrace it Wendi!! Have the kids and you do a ten minute tidy race everyday where you run around and tidy as much as you can in ten minutes and be done with it~! you are a wonderful person-do not let this bring you down.
If it makes you feel better, my house is nearly always clean but I am not a good player with my children. In 15 years, what will they remember more-a clean house or that mom played with them?
You're being too hard on yourself Wendi! You are Ana amazing person and I look up to you for many different things. Ryann is right-- you're a great mom. Don't compare yourself to others. No one is perfect.
As for cleaning up before the maid I did the same thing too. You've just got to figure that they've seen much worse and be ok with that.
Wendi,
I just want to let you know that I have always felt so comfortable in your home. Whatever you are doing or not doing, there is a good, happy spirit there. And hey, let the cleaning lady do her job! I don't think there is a rule about cleaning ladies not cleaning clutter. No cleaning before she comes, leave the house and enjoy the luxury of coming home to a clean home.
If you aren't a "clean" person (me), it is so hard to change. It doesn't help beating yourself up, especially if you have super clean friends. I would try to plan with your HT that he comes the 2nd Sunday, or whatever, to take the stress out. My plan is to pick a daily task, floors on Monday, laundry Tuesday, etc. Then I have something concrete and finishable...Good luck!
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