I still feel bad about having a c-section. I don't know why this is hitting me so strongly today, but I have been fighting these feelings on and off since I had Jordan. I just read another story of an "almost c-section" which didn't end up that way because of a priesthood blessing. I have heard a few women tell me they were so close to having a c-section, but then got a blessing from their husband and their labor progressed to a vaginal delivery. I am always happy for them, as it is so much better and they will probably avoid future c-sections, but then feel so horrible and guilty that I did not think to ask Darin for a blessing when I was in labor. Did I lack faith, why didn't I think of it? I beat myself up soo much that I just lay there in so much back pain and finally got an epidural instead of asking Darin for a blessing. Why didn't I think of it? Why didn't Darin? I just want to cry, I am crying.... If I had, would I have progressed, would I have been able to have Jordan vaginally and avoided 3 c-sections? I wouldn't feel so bad each time I hear of successful vaginal deliveries, and maybe not feel like a failure? Jordan told me the other day that she didn't want to have a baby because she didn't want to have her tummy cut open...man did that feel like a dagger to my heart....
In the end I guess I have to repeatedly remind myself that I have 3 beautiful, healthy children and that it shouldn't matter how they got here, just that they did.
4 comments:
Wendi, Wendi, Wendi, having a c-section is nothing to feel ashamed about! Not asking for a blessing while you were in horrible pain during labor is not a sin! You should think about the after effects. You were able to heal perfectly well and quite quickly after each surgery. You had the ability to cope with the added stress and pain associated with c-sections (don't think I could have). You brought three beautiful children into this world-does it matter the method how? Stop beating yourself up about it-YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!
Wendi, Wow, I've had both of my girls c-section, and don't have any regrets. My sister-in-law meditates etc.. and has hers natural with no medications, well good for her, but she is not me, and I am definitely not her either. I'm just happy that the medical world has all of this figured out, because I tell Chris, that if I was a pioneer, me and my babies would have died. Good thing for modern medicine!!!
With Elle, my uterus was ripping away, and she was held in by a thin sack. If I'd even gone into labor, I would have bled and we both could have died. So as far as a c-section goes....I'm ALL for it!! At least you have three beautiful HEALTHY children. I don't think it matters how you get them here :) Anyway, that's just my take.
I hope this makes you feel better. I've never given it a second thought. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do...ya know :)
I totally agree with whats already been said. Wendi, definitely DO NOT beat yourself up over this. You have no idea what the outcomes would have been if you HAD done those things, they could very well be the same. You can not 100% control your birth experience and sometimes things need to be done, like a c-section. You still gave birth to your 3 kids, you have NOTHING to be ashamed about!!!
Wendy, I think we had similar situations. I didn't progress past a 3 and I was in hard labor for 15 hours. I did receive a priesthood blessing from Steve twice. Once before we went to the hospital and once after they told us a c-section was imminent. I still had a c-section. Also, just because you had a c-section or 3 for that matter (that's tougher), you can still VBAC. There are many doctors that will do it and many more that are against it. I just had a friend deliver twins VBAC. She had to search into her 6th month to find a doctor to actually do it. Anyways, those are the facts. :) Don't beat yourself up. Heavenly Father knows what is best for you and your babies. This is what was best. BTW, miss you!
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